
Emotional Intimacy in Romantic Partnership
I support women and couples to cultivate a deeper sense of closeness and connection in their romantic partnerships.
Are you yearning for more intimacy?
What is emotional intimacy, anyway?
in·ti·ma·cy
/ˈin(t)əməsē/
noun
Denoting close familiarity or friendship.
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The term intimacy comes from the Latin term intimus referring to “inner [and] inmost."
Intimacy is often defined by scholars as the sharing of one’s innermost feelings or emotional life with another, or what is called "self-disclosure."
However, intimacy includes more than just sharing one's feelings with another. In fact, even scholars agree that intimacy naturally has a kind of fuzzy-ness to it—it’s hard to describe, but you know it when you feel it. In a general sense, you can think of emotional intimacy as feeling close and connected to another.
There are many different kinds of intimacy—emotional, sexual, physical (non-sexual), intellectual, spiritual, and more. In my work with individual women who are in romantic partnerships or with couples themselves,
I focus on emotional intimacy in romantic partnerships—how to cultivate and deepen the feeling of closeness and connection including how to become more skillful communicators and navigators of conflict.
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We've all heard the adage, "Relationships are hard work."
A so-called "healthy" relationship is not one that is void of conflict, disconnection, or difficulty. Even in the most satisfying intimate relationships, partners will experience ups and downs, moments of deeper intimacy as well as distance, and places of diversity (where partners feel different from one another). One important part of having a healthy relationship is that partners can recognize their differences, bring awareness, humility, authenticity, and vulnerability to their conflicts (large and small), and utilize their skills to work through them in a way that builds more intimacy as opposed to more distance.
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It's true that healthy romantic relationships also take a sustained commitment to exploring what is sometimes difficult emotional territory. This requires cultivating self-awareness and building one's skills around communication and conflict. However, if your relationship with your partner regularly feels really hard, you are likely running into sticky spots without the right tools to navigate through them.
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What's more, no matter how much you've worked on yourself, you have undoubtedly entered into your romantic partnership with blindspots—assumptions, patterns, and unconscious beliefs and values about how to relate—without realizing that these default settings and approaches are often limited and don't necessarily lead to greater emotional intimacy. Part of our work is to uncover these blindspots, learn about them, and re-educate you about more sustainable ways to relate.
You probably also brought some "baggage" with you—all the difficult experiences (trauma, abuse, neglect, unmet needs, etc.) that you have carried forward from your childhood and your previous relationships. These difficult experiences significantly impact the painful dynamics that occur and recur in relationship with your partner. Cultivating deeper emotional intimacy with your partner includes developing a growing awareness of these inner and outer dynamics along with learning skills and strategies to navigate these experiences inside and out.
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This is where I come in.
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When it comes to cultivating emotional intimacy in a relationship, it is critical to have a set of outside eyes, highly trained eyes, and loving eyes to identify the places that need more witnessing and unfolding along with re-educating you with the right skills and tools so that you may arrive in your relationship as your most authentic self and be available for truer closeness and more satisfying connection.
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My approach is best suited for...
...women who are eager to engage in self-reflection and self-awareness, desire specific guidance and re-education around relationships and intimacy, and are committed to building more emotional intimacy with their partner. Likewise, my work with couples will be most effective when both partners are looking for deeper intimacy, are committed to building self-awareness, and are open to embracing and respecting their own and their partner's humility and vulnerability. This is best done independently from an urgent crisis, as addressing a relationship crisis is best served in dedicated therapy or counseling.*
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*PLEASE NOTE:
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Though I have extensive clinical therapeutic training and had a private therapy practice for over 15 years, I am now an independent consultant and coach, not a licensed therapist. I do not offer traditional therapy or long-term sessions. I am also unable to work with those who have at any point been hospitalized for or diagnosed with bipolar and related disorders, schizophrenia and other psychotic disorders, or borderline, narcissistic, or other personality disorders.
In our sessions, we can explore...
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Where you get "stuck" with partner, where your inner critic blocks you from saying or doing things that leave you feeling frustrated and hopeless rather than empowered and optimistic.
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When you get "defensive" or feel triggered in your relationship—when you feel unseen or misunderstood by your partner or where fear, anger, or hopelessness arise and you need loving witnessing.*
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How you may be unconsciously expecting your partner to "read your mind" rather than having to speak your needs and desires more directly.
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How you may be projecting either a "positive" or "negative" parent on to your partner. The "positive" parent is the parent you longed to have—the parent who would have given you unconditional love and who would have met all of your needs. The "negative" parent is the parent who abused, hurt, or neglected you, didn't provide you with unconditional love, or who somehow didn't meet your needs. We can explore how to remove those misplaced projections from your partner so that these needs can be met without placing an undue burden on your relationship.​
In our sessions, I can teach you skills and strategies including...
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The art of "meta-communication"—how communicate about your communication—as a highly effective way to build greater intimacy.
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How to take your own side in a conflict more effectively, how to genuinely take your partner's side, and how to become more fluid so that your conflicts become opportunities for greater emotional intimacy
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How to de-escalate conflict especially during those times when disagreements turn to knock-down-drag-out fights in a moment's notice
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How to build self-awareness around your outdated relationship patterns that no longer serve you and move towards completing the processes embedded in those patterns that are still longing for expression.
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*My partner, David Bedrick, developed the concept of the loving witness in his pioneering work on Unshaming.
As we work together, you may start to notice that...
You feel more seen, known, and understood around your deepest, private feelings especially as they show up in your relationship life.
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You feel a growing sense of confidence in yourself and your ability to navigate challenging spots in relationship that used to cause you anxiety or agony.
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Your relationship feels more nourishing and satisfying because you are able to get your needs met and set boundaries that care for you.
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You feel more joy and satisfaction in your relationship and more of the yummy in-love feelings towards your partner.
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You know that you can be more of your authentic self while in relationship rather than having to choose between authenticity and relationship.
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You have a growing pride in how much you, your partner, and your relationship has grown over time.
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You feel a sense of the profound, divine connection that exists between you and your partner. You revel in the spiritual or cosmic "rightness" of your connection.
SESSION OFFERINGS
If my style and approach above resonates for you, I offer a free 20 minute Zoom consultation before proceeding to make sure we are a good fit.
1 Session
$250 individual
1 hr. session
$350 couple
1 hr. 20 min. session
Zoom
Payment via PayPal
Payment required at least 2 business days prior to session.
3 Sessions
$700 individual
3 x 1 hr. sessions
$1000 couple
3 x 1 hr. 20 min. sessions
Zoom
Payment via PayPal
Payment for 3-session package required in full at least 2 business days prior to first session.
Must be used within 3 months of purchase.
Here's what this couple said...
“Our sessions with Lisa are an inspiring, intimate invitation to deepen our loving for one another. She is an astutely skilled listener, meticulous in how she ensures the space for each of us to explore important threads more deeply, tracking what emerges in awareness in an organic way with effortless, sensitive flow. She hones in on what is present with enveloping compassion, loving curiosity, and brilliant insight. We are often surprised and deeply touched by what we share and discover together. We consider it a privilege and great joy for us to work with Lisa.”
—M.M. & K.G., ALBUQUERQUE, NM